NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
