I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
