I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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