I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
