There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
People in love make me want to vomit
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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