Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
