This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
