I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
