The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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