i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
