handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
do nipples grow back?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
