Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
