Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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