At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
