I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
