The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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