The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
