I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize