The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
