There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
