i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
