i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
