some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
