'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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