Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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