I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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