why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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