Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
