Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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