YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
