dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
