chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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