Cold hands, warm shart.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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