She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I will pee on everything he values.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
