Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
