Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
