I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
