I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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