i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
In America we eat man semen.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
