The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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