I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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