We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
