I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
