Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize