The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Also, beer. Big fan.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
