im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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