So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
