i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
