the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
