dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
