If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
