omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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