I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
