I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
