I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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