I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
