So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize