apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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