Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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