Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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