Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
