DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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