never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
