I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
