I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize