I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
