he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
