She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
