Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
