you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He did a backflip because drugs
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize