i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
