i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
