The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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