she was so not down for the gang bang
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize