If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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