dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
