I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
