I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
