Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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