our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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