It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize