I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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