Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
