Man, jail baloney is awful.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
