dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
