Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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