dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
