mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
