so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
