Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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